As you know us old geezers at Cheam Golf like to think we’re funny and here is yet another parody post.
The other day I was practicing my golf swings with a foam ball in my living room and I started to get very hot so I got naked. Now truly someone as old as me isn’t nice to look at in this state, but still after practicing another dozen swings, hitting my foam golf ball against a framed picture of my wife on the wall, I started to get too hot again so without thinking I went out into the backyard. It only took a few moments for me to remember that I was naked and thank God no one saw me, or at least I think no one saw me. But if I had been reported by a neighbor the consequences might have been dire.
That evening I began to think and dream about a utopia where old men like me could practice their golf swings naked anywhere they please. Imagine it…
In McDonald’s parking lots.
Grocery store aisles.
The middle of highways.
Inside fancy restaurants.
These are all places I’d love to practice my art-form in the comfort of my own skin. This to me would be a dream come true and I would do it every day. Ah, maybe in the future this utopia will actually come true!
I don’t want this to be a talk about Western etiquette. I just want to talk about this because I lived most of my life never caring if my windows were cleaned until a friend’s mom put me in my place. Trust me, after waking up to find out that your guest’s 80-year-old mom woke up at 5 AM to clean all your windows because they were disgusting will make you see things differently, too!
Growing up as a single young man I had always worked hard enough to be able to have a lot of windows I could call my own, but I never actually had any glass cleaner in my house for almost ten years straight at one point. I didn’t know the first thing about what was the best window cleaner formula or the best window cleaning company in British Columbia before, but now my windows never stay a whit filthy for more than a few hours and I can tell you exactly what is the best best window washing solution and the best local window washing business because I’m somewhat of a self-trained expert.
I even dry my own windows to perfection with passed down techniques from the first Canadian pioneers.Seriously!
But now you should know that if you are anything like I used to be that cleaning windows is one of the secrets to happiness. That’s because getting your life in order is the key to happiness. When everything is going the way you don’t want it to, the gates of Hell open. That’s why I keep my windows clean so I can get a good view of it happening to other people who don’t have things in order. Cleaning your windows often is just one of the many habits you will need to build to reach your full potential. You might argue that it takes a lot of time to clean all your windows and that’s true, but after you have the habit of keeping them clean it’s almost like wiping down the sink after cleaning dishes–as soon as a little speck of filth shows up you wipe it away. And so in other words your windows never have a chance to get dirty. The filth never accumulates.
When I had my farm in Saanich, a place on Vancouver Island, I would always call up Clarity Windows Ltd for window cleaning Victoria BC services. They’re the best out there, but over here in Cheam I actually get my son to do it. He does it full time for another window cleaning company, actually only started the job a year ago because I had ranted about how important cleaning windows is, and so I got kind of lucky.
The Importance of Window Cleaning
We already talked about how building a good habit is always good. It also starts you on a path of building more good habits. This happens until your life is in order. But there are other reasons why you should call your local window washing company for services right now. Keeping your windows clean motivates the neighbors to do the same, and so the less and less other houses on your street are cleaning their windows the less motivation your neighborhood will have to clean their windows. That is why in richer areas with a lot of the larger houses having themselves in order like to keep their windows spotless, all the other smaller houses somehow make the time to do it and a kind of domino effect takes place. So after you get professional window cleaning services you should get a bunch of business cards from the company and hand them out to everyone who lives within sight of your freshly cleaned windows. By doing this you will also be raising the value of your neighborhood and the subconscious results will be long-term and spectacle.
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I should warn you this post is a bit of a comedy. I thought about writing this when I invited my friend from visiting from Winnipeg to come golfing this morning and he said, but it’s winter and it’s too cold!” I laughed so hard through the phone that you could still call it laughing in his face. Then, he made things worse by asking the ridiculous question, “What to do in Cheam when it’s too cold to golf?”
My answer came hard and it came fast in two words… “Man up!”
Seriously, bring a scarf or something. Sure, when it’s windy and rainy or snowing then you could find something else to do like:
Go to the driving range.
Watch sports at the pub.
Do online shopping for rain jackets.
But when there’s no wind, no rain and you’re not golfing just because it’s cold, then I’d argue you’ve no place calling yourself a real golfer! That’s just my funny way of looking at it. My friend decided to man up after all and we’ll be heading out to swing the old golf club in a few hours. If my friend doesn’t freeze to death, maybe I’ll have an interview with him after. I think he’s a good personality and has a good story that deserves a post on this blog, for a lot of the usual who hang out here don’t know him too well yet.
Well, hope this advice helps. Next time someone says no to golf because it’s too cold, throw a scarf at him and tell them to man up!
For people who don’t golf, it might be hard to believe that some golf balls can be worth over $200. And I’m not just talking about golf balls signed by famous golfers. There’s a science to the weight and surface of a golf ball, and really high quality ones will perform a lot better that cheap ones. The performance is very noticeable to the eye and you can feel it and hear it when you hit it.
That’s why golf balls have dimples on them. It helps with the way it flies through the air. Also, a good quality golf ball will bounce on the grass and roll longer, making putting for the hole easier. After using the same model of golf ball for a long time, you can tell and have to adjust when a new model is introduced to your kit.
Here’s a good video about the science behind golf ball design:
I sometimes go in the woods behind my local golf coarse and hunt for lost golf balls because after collecting a lot of them you got a small fortune on your hands. I don’t pay for the good quality ones, but I’ve found a lot of them and they’re so fun to use, until you lose them yourself.
I have a short story about how I found a golf ball in the woods with a signature on it. The signature was too weathered away to tell who it belonged to but I knew the golf balls was at least worth $70 because of the model and make. I tried using it on the course and lost it in a lake on my first hit. There went all my good luck, but I didn’t complain. The only reason why I lost the ball in the lake is because I wasn’t used to using such a good quality golf ball and I overshot.
Soif you ever find a rare golf ball, take some practice hits with it before you lose yours, too. Unless, of course, you want to have a good laugh like I did.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more from Cheam Golf!
The team of old golfers over here at Cheam Golf would like to wish every single one of you a merry, swell Christmas! No matter who you are, everyone deserves to have a special time throughout the holidays. My wife is visiting family in Europe for Christmas and I woke up with the house to myself this morning. As you’d expect I got a little lonely but then a stream of things that I am grateful for overwhelmed me and now I’m writing this for you!
Christmas is a strange time of year. I’ll speak for the whole team at Cheam Golf when I say 2019 means a lot for this blog with an entire renewal of the previous blog we had. We love blogging because we have friends and family who read it and they find it entertaining. We use this as a tool to create laughter in our own circles but anyone on the wide web is welcome to join us. In fact, we’re restarting our progress as bloggers because we hope to reach more new followers and we’re so grateful to have the chance to grow our blog for you in 2019.
What will we blog about in 2019?
Funny, true stories about golfing with the boys.
Local news in British Columbia Canada that might be funny.
Stories from our friends and family that are worth sharing.